It Took Me 4 Years To Publish This…

Have you ever been stuck? I’m talking about bogged to your axles in the thick of it stuck. Getting wrapped up in each gnarly thing that you can grab on to trying to pull your way back up. Yes, this is an analogy for life and all the stressors it can inflict on you and yes I’m breaking the 4th wall the first chance I get. The thing is that I want to let you in on something, I’m stuck…or at least it looks that way.

I’ve spent years trying to be the best I can be and wondering why it hasn’t gotten me as far as I’d like. Like a bat out of Hell I flew from my senior year in high school motivated and poised for the next move…absolutely no plan in my head- ready to pounce. Nothing came, I worked hard in a factory for a year (on the dot, I timed it). Then I was introduced to a program that would lead me 2,000+ miles from home into an opportunity that terrified me. I made it though, successfully escaped my small midwestern town and landed a gig in the big city of San Francisco; the Tech Mecca, the Tecca, of the Nation.

Why Stuck?

I was building the life I wanted, which quickly became a confusing whirlwind of 3 things: What brought me joy, What satisfied my passions (I had to make something of myself), and what wrought approval from my friends and family. 

At home, I was an average student who hung out with everyone and found it easy to make friends. This checked the approval box and the things that bring me joy box. While outside of school I was able to start N.O.V.A. which satisfied what I was passionate about at the time. You seem pretty smart so you probably know where I’m going with this. 

I had all the boxes checked!

Then I graduated high school (Que “Pomp & Circumstance”). Suddenly, I found that I was missing two check marks. Approval from my peers and the joy that I derived from being a part of an academic community and building friendships were severely lacking. No, I wasn’t cast out like some feudal serf once I graduated high school but it felt that I had been. Making another massive move seemed like an insurmountable hurdle.

4 Years Later

I’m not sure if this is indication of laziness, good planning, or dedication to the craft of writing. The point is that I left this blog alone for a stretch because I got caught up in everything. I searched for a career that could lend me some sense of purpose, where I could make a difference. As it turns out very few places will do this, especially when you’re not a serious person and don’t feel a pull towards one specific career line. I’ve stopped seeing purpose in a career because that ‘s not where my hope lays anymore. Picking a career is deciding what type of problems you want to have. Since no career line is perfect, find a job you can enjoy in the day to day and don’t sweat the details. 

At the moment of writing this I’ve been working at a screen printing and embroidery company for the past two and a half years as a Customer Service Representative. As glamorous as that sounds, it’s not (and I’m okay with that). Not that I’m completely satisfied doing this the rest of my life, I’m sure there are better things out there. This generation and frankly the world today is terribly caught up in finding anything but contentment. Without diving into Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs I’ll say that becoming content is a lot easier than we make it sometimes. It was EXHAUSTING trying to scratch, claw, and finagle my way into being content.

So you settled? Absolutely not! I found something I can work on day to day and continue to improve my skills as a CSR, that’s incredibly valuable, learning how to work with others, deal with heated confrontation and meet deadlines. “So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work, for that is his lot. Who can bring him to see what will be after him? So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is our lot in life.” -Ecclesiastes 3:22 It’s about finding work you can be happy in and continue to grow in, not set it and forget it.

Maybe you’re not stuck? Maybe you need to take a moment to analyze what you’re good at, what you enjoy doing, and what makes you a livable wage. It doesn’t have to be “Rise and dread, let’s get this bread” every day.